As Shelton and I were walking out to our cars tonight from Mike’s hospital room, we stopped and had a conversation in the parking lot. While we were talking, I was reminded of some notes I took from a sermon Steven Furtick preached a while back. The overarching theme from his sermon was that “God reserves His greatest glory for our lowest points.” His sermon was rooted in John 21 where Jesus encounters the disciples early one morning after fishing all night and not catching anything. Jesus calls out to them and tells them to throw their nets out to the right side of the boat, and when they did, they caught so many fish they were unable to haul in their nets.
Walking out of the hospital at the end of each night is probably the most vulnerable I have been on this journey thus far. There is something that doesn’t feel right about me getting to leave while Mike is stuck in a hospital bed not only battling an infection but a terrible disease, as well. Tonight, I was thankful to have a friend to walk out with, but the solitude of my ride home hit me harder than it ever has. Driving home to my empty house, where Mike should be, just flat out sucked.
The whole way home with tear soaked eyes I listened to the song “Different” by Micah Tyler over and over and over again. The song talks about being different by giving up our sin filled past and relying on Jesus to change us. This song hits home with me particularly as I think back on the adversity I have faced in my life, and in my greatest struggles is typically when God’s glory has shined the brightest. In these moments of adversity, God has shaped me and molded me into something different than what I once was.
Today was the 6th day that Mike has spent in the hospital, and tonight he just seemed weak – weaker than he has been. I think between him not eating much, fighting the infection, getting radiation treatment and getting his PICC line installed today he was just worn out. Seeing him like that most likely had everything to do with my emotional ride home, but on my ride home I was constantly being reminded by my Jesus that through adversity I have become different.
This journey has been emotionally and physically taxing. I have been so busy with not only living my normal life but also caring for Mike, organizing fundraiser opportunities, posting updates and being a helping hand for his family. I guess tonight was the inevitable night where it all caught up with me. The night where I just broke down because things aren’t going the way I want them to. Then, I thought about the story of Peter and the disciples and how they fished all night and caught nothing. Considering that fishing wasn’t just a hobby for these guys but a way of life, I imagine that night they grew weary and were tired, confused and even scared. Then, Jesus came along and blessed them abundantly.
Sometimes in our lives when we have fished all night and caught nothing, Jesus comes alongside us and performs a miracle. In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Tonight, I am resting easy in the arms of my Lord and Savior knowing that He is in control, and I am constantly reminding myself that it is often the point of our greatest frustration that God reveals His greatest glory.